GOLD
MEDAL WINNING OLYMPIC SKIER LINDSEY VONN TO APPEAR ON SEASON FINALE OF
"LAW & ORDER"
New
York, N.Y., March 31st, 2010.
Olympic
Gold Medal winning skier Lindsey Vonn is finally getting her wish - to
appear on her favorite television series, NBC and Wolf Films'
Emmy-winning drama "Law & Order."
Vonn will appear in a small part as Alicia, an administrative
assistant, whose character provides a vital clue in a case about a
terrorist threatening students in the season finale "Rubber
Room." The scene, with Detectives Lupo (Jeremy Sisto) and Bernard
(Anthony Anderson) and ADA Rubirosa (Alana de la Garza), will be shot
on location in Brooklyn on Friday, April 9th. "Law &
Order" Executive Producer Rene Balcer wrote and will direct the
episode.
"Throughout Lindsey's remarkable Olympic experience, she was very
supportive of 'Law & Order' and has already been to the set as a
visitor. We are glad that we can make her dream of appearing on the
show come true," said creator/executive producer Dick Wolf.
Lindsey added, "I honestly couldn't be more excited about being
on Law & Order. How many people get to appear on their favorite TV
show?" Vonn recently became the first American woman to win the
gold medal in downhill skiing at the 2010 Winter Olympics. She has
also won three consecutive overall World Cup championships (2008,
2009, 2010), the first American woman and second woman ever to do so.
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NATIONWIDE OPEN CASTING CALL FOR “GLEE”
EXCLUSIVELY ON MYSPACE
Los
Angeles, Ca., March 30th, 2010.
Attention
all GLEEks, the opportunity of a lifetime is coming your way! GLEE’s
executive producers are holding a nationwide online casting search for
fresh, young, talented performers to fill new roles that will be
featured during the show’s second season. Beginning March 30,
amateur and professional performers between the ages of 16 and 26 will
have the opportunity to submit an audition video exclusively on
MySpace at myspace.com/gleeauditions.
Hopefuls
will be able to upload their videos beginning today through April 26.
Videos must feature an explanation about why the auditioner wants to
be on GLEE as well as a demonstration of his/her stellar singing
ability by performing one of 10 GLEE hits, including “True
Colors,” “You Can't Always Get What You Want” and “Lean on
Me.” Performances must be either a cappella or with single
instrument accompaniment via MySpace Karaoke or by uploading their own
pre-recorded videos. Audition videos must be limited to five minutes
in length – a one-minute introduction and a four-minute song – and
are limited to one submission per person. Fans will be able to share
the videos across various networks, post comments and rate their
favorites with gold stars. Visit myspace.com/gleeauditions
for more information, song list and additional rules.
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'FRIDAY
NIGHT LIGHTS' PREMIERE DATE MOVES TO MAY 7 ON NBC
Universal City, Ca., March
29th, 2010.
The premiere
of NBC's critically acclaimed drama "Friday Night Lights"
will move back by one week from Friday, April 30 (8-9 p.m. ET) to
Friday, May 7 (8-9 p.m. ET).
Expanding on the hit feature film and best-selling book "Friday
Night Lights," the award-winning show centers on life in Dillon,
Texas, where high school football brings the community together -- and
the drama of small town life threatens to tear it apart.
As season four opens, a redistricting plan has left Dillon a town
divided. After being ousted from his role as head coach at Dillon High
School, Coach Taylor (Kyle Chandler) finds himself faced with the
daunting task of building a football team from scratch as well as
motivating and disciplining the unmanageable East Dillon Lions.
Tensions follow Coach Taylor off the field as he and Tami (Connie
Britton), who remains principal of West Dillon High, find themselves
increasingly at odds with one another. The new year will also focus on
the fate of several returning characters including last season's
graduates Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch), Lyla Garrity (Minka Kelly), and
Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford) as well as Julie Taylor (Aimee Teegarden)
and Landry Clark (Jesse Plemons).
Other returning stars include Drew Waters and D.W Moffett. Also
starring are newcomers Michael B. Jordan ("All My
Children"), Matt Lauria ("Lipstick Jungle"), Jurnee
Smollett ("The Great Debaters") and Madison Burge.
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“SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE” SHAKES UP
SEVENTH SEASON
Los
Angeles, Ca., March 29th, 2010.
America’s
favorite summer series, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, returns for its
seventh season with some exciting new twists, including 10 finalists
competing, only one dancer eliminated per week and the return of
dancers from previous seasons.
This
year, the competition is the toughest it has ever been as the judges
will pick only 10 dancers (five guys and five girls) – from the
thousands that auditioned – to compete for the title of America’s
Favorite Dancer. During the performance rounds, one finalist will go
home weekly. Additionally, the competitors will be partnered each week
with a different SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE All-Star dancer – former
SYTYCD finalists who are skilled in various styles of dance, including
ballroom, hip-hop, jazz and contemporary. The All-Star Partners will
be announced shortly.
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NEW
STAR-STUDDED "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" DOCUMENTARY DEBUTS APRIL
15
New
York, N.Y., March 24th, 2010.
Continuing
to tell the story of "Saturday Night Live," NBC presents a
new installment of the compelling behind-the-scenes documentary series
chronicling the highs and lows of the iconic comedy show.
"Saturday Night Live in the 2000s: Time And Again" airs on
Thursday, April 15 9:00-11:00 p.m. ET/PT.
Following up on his Emmy-nominated and critically acclaimed
documentaries "Live From New York: The First 5 Years of Saturday
Night Live," "Saturday Night Live in the '80s: Lost and
Found," and "Saturday Night Live in the '90s: Pop Culture
Nation" writer, director, producer Kenneth Bowser (Emmy nominee
for "John Ford/John Wayne; The Filmmaker & The Legend,"
"Easy Riders & Raging Bulls") has created a film that
looks at the stratospheric reach of the show in the 2000s.
The decade saw "SNL" going from being named "a national
institution" by the prestigious Peabody Awards to achieving
record-shattering ratings, grabbing countless headlines and primetime
exposure during the political elections.
Among the new and candid interviews are creator and executive producer
Lorne Michaels, and many of the stars of the show including: Fred
Armisen, Rachel Dratch, Abby Elliott, Jimmy Fallon, Will Ferrell, Tina
Fey, Will Forte, Bill Hader, Darrell Hammond, Chris Kattan, Seth
Meyers, Tracy Morgan, Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell, Amy Poehler, Maya
Rudolph, Andy Samberg, Horatio Sanz, Molly Shannon, Jason Sudeikis,
Kenan Thompson, and Kristen Wiig. In addition, some of the most
memorable hosts in SNL history - Alec Baldwin, Christopher Walken,
Senator John McCain, and Justin Timberlake also offer insights.
"This special features the funniest clips and most dramatic
moments of the decade on SNL, along with new interviews with the
biggest stars of comedy," said Rick Ludwin, Executive Vice
President of Late Night and Prime Time Series, "Don't miss
it!"
Transcending the traditional retrospective clip show, this film is
jam-packed with unforgettable moments from the decade. Between
political debates, elections, and the tragedy of September 11th, SNL
gave its viewers laughs during their darkest times. Along with the
popularity of digital shorts like "Lazy Sunday" and
"D**k In A Box," the women of SNL, "Weekend
Update" history, and special appearances from political
candidates, the film will explore these events with a
behind-the-scenes look at how the decade affected the show and its
cast. These are the stories fans haven't heard - all presented in the
same funny, fast-paced, nostalgic format that earned "The First 5
Years" an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Non-Fiction Special.
The stories from the 2000s are framed and propelled by the best
musical acts of the decade, including: Alicia Keys, Arcade Fire,
Arctic Monkeys, Avril Lavigne, Black Eyed Peas, Carrie Underwood,
Coldplay, Foo Fighters, Green Day, Gwen Stefani, Linkin Park, Ludacris,
My Morning Jacket, Paul Simon, The Killers, and Wilco.
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“24: DAY EIGHT” WILL BE THE AWARD-WINNING
SERIES’ FINAL SEASON
Los
Angeles, Ca., March 26th, 2010.
In
a joint decision made by 24’s star and executive producer Kiefer
Sutherland, executive producer and showrunner Howard Gordon, Twentieth
Century Fox Television, Imagine Entertainment and Fox Broadcasting
Company, it was determined that the acclaimed series will end its
remarkable eight-season run. Jack Bauer’s last day on FOX will
conclude when the final two hours of “Day Eight” air
Monday, May 24 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT). As the
countdown to the series’ climactic
conclusion races on, the final 11 hours
will air uninterrupted Mondays
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.
Multiple
award-winning series star Kiefer Sutherland
reflected on the show’s run:
“This has been the role of a lifetime, and I will never be
able to fully express my appreciation to everyone who made it
possible. While the end of the series is bittersweet, we always wanted
24 to finish on a high note, so the decision to make the eighth season
our last was one we all agreed upon. This feels like the culmination
of all our efforts from the writers to the actors to our fantastic
crew and everyone at Fox. Looking ahead to the future, Howard Gordon
and I are excited about the opportunity to create the feature film
version of 24. But when all is said and done, it is the loyal
worldwide fan base that made it possible for me to have the experience
of playing the role of Jack Bauer, and for that I am eternally
grateful.”
Executive
producer and showrunner Howard Gordon said, “Kiefer and I have loved
every minute of making 24, but we all
believe that now is the right time to call it a day. I echo his
sentiments of gratitude toward the show’s amazing creative team, as
well as the studio and network who have always believed in us and
shown us unbelievable support.”
“24
is so much more than just a TV show. It
has redefined the drama genre and created one of the most admired
action icons in television history,”
said Peter Rice, Chairman, Entertainment, Fox Networks Group. Kevin
Reilly, President, Entertainment, Fox Broadcasting Company added, “We
are extremely proud of this groundbreaking series and will be forever
thankful to Kiefer, the producers, the cast and crew for everything
they’ve put into 24 over the years. It’s
truly been an amazing and unforgettable eight days.”
“We
are so grateful to Kiefer and Howard who have really poured their
hearts and souls into making this show over the past eight seasons,”
commented Gary Newman and Dana Walden, Chairmen, Twentieth Century Fox
Television. “To everyone who contributed to this iconic series over
its amazing run, we want to extend our heartfelt appreciation for your
incredible work.”
Added
Imagine Entertainment’s Brian
Grazer, “I’m so
proud to have been a part of 24, which has become such a cultural
phenomenon. And to Kiefer and Howard and everyone who has worked on
the show, many thanks.
Now in its eighth season with
Kiefer Sutherland starring as the heroic Jack
Bauer, the inventive and suspenseful 24 has
been nominated for a total of 68 Emmy Awards, winning for Outstanding
Drama Series in 2006. Over the course of seven seasons, Sutherland
garnered seven Emmy nominations and one win for Outstanding Lead Actor
– Drama Series. While the series gained
global recognition, Sutherland’s
portrayal of the legendary character penetrated the American psyche
like no other dramatic television character to become
part of the English lexicon.
Premiering November 6, 2001, 24 employed a pioneering
split-screen, fast-paced format with complex interweaving storylines
as viewers followed anti-terrorism agent
Jack Bauer through 24 pulse-pounding episodes, each covering one hour
and presented in real time. Subsequent
seasons combined the show’s unique and
trend-setting format while delivering compelling new elements and
attracting talented actors and guest stars,
including the Emmy Award-winning Cherry Jones (President Allison
Taylor). The series also currently stars Mary
Lynn Rajskub (Chloe O’Brian), Anil
Kapoor (Omar Hassan), Annie Wersching (Renee Walker), Katee Sackhoff
(Dana Walsh), Mykelti Williamson (Brian Hastings), Freddie Prinze Jr.
(Cole Ortiz), Chris Diamantopoulos (Rob Weiss) and John Boyd (Arlo
Glass).
The first six seasons were set in Los Angeles, and
following the strike-induced delay of Season Seven, “24:
Redemption,”
a two-hour film bridging Seasons Six and
Seven, was set in Africa. Washington, D.C.
was the setting for Season Seven, and the
final season of 24 finds Jack Bauer thwarting a terrorist attack in
New York.
At the conclusion of Season Eight, 24 will have
a produced a total of 194
episodes (including “24: Redemption”),
making it one of the longest-running
action television shows in history.
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ALYSSA
MILANO RETURNS TO TELEVISION ON ABC'S "ROMANTICALLY
CHALLENGED"
Los Angeles, Ca., March 26th, 2010.
"Romantically Challenged," an ensemble comedy about
four friends trying to find love and happiness while navigating their
way through today's tricky world of dating, premieres MONDAY, APRIL 12
(9:32-10:00 p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network.
Smart and beautiful Rebecca is recently divorced after 15 years of
marriage. Having never really dated before she was married - and not
having been on a date since Clinton was in office -- she finds it
scary to start over now. Although a gifted mom and lawyer, she is
clueless about dating and hopes to get some help from her equally
romantically challenged friends.
Perry is Rebecca's best friend since childhood. He is a rugged man's
man and a tremendously successful financial planner -- but also one of
Pittsburgh's most sensitive hopeless romantics. When it comes to
matters of the heart, Perry is a romance-aholic who falls in love with
women 20 minutes after meeting them. After 40 minutes, he's already
naming their future children.
A struggling novelist, the witty and affable Shawn has been Perry's
best friend and rent-free roommate for six years. Shawn is the
emotionally unavailable cynic to Perry's hopeless romantic. He has
never had a relationship more serious than a three-night stand - and
even those send him running for the door.
Rounding out the group is Rebecca's petite, baby sister, Lisa. Behind
her deceptively sweet appearance is a sassy pit bull ready to protect
her older sister. Although a nurturing kindergarten teacher, she has a
wild side too, and sees a "threesome" as "second
base."
Will these four romantically challenged friends ever find lasting
love? Or even someone who lasts until next Thursday?
"Romantically Challenged" stars Alyssa Milano as Rebecca
Thomas, Kyle Bornheimer as Perry Gill, Josh Lawson as Shawn Goldwater
and Kelly Stables as Lisa Thomas.
The series is created by Ricky Blitt and executive produced by Blitt
and James Burrows. Burrows also serves as the show's director. The
series is produced by Bonanza Productions Inc. and Candy Bar
Productions in association with Warner Bros. Television.
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83RD
ACADEMY AWARDS TO AIR FEBRUARY 27, 2011 ON ABC
New
York, N.Y., March 26th, 2010.
The
83rd Annual Academy Awards will be presented on Sunday, February 27,
2011, Academy President Tom Sherak announced today. The ceremony will
again take place at the Kodak Theatre at Hollywood and Highland Center
in Hollywood, and will be televised live by the ABC Television
Network.
Key dates currently scheduled are:
Saturday, November 13, 2010: Governors Awards
presentation
Wednesday, December 1, 2010: Official Screen
Credits forms due
Monday, December 27, 2010: Nominations
ballots mailed
Friday, January 14, 2011: Nominations
polls close 5:00 p.m., PT
Tuesday, January 25, 2011: Nominations
announced 5:30 a.m., PT, Samuel Goldwyn Theater
Wednesday, February 2, 2011: Final ballots mailed
Monday, February 7, 2011: Nominees
Luncheon
Saturday, February 12, 2011:
Scientific and Technical Awards presentation
Tuesday, February 22, 2011: Final
polls close 5:00 p.m., PT
Sunday, February 27, 2011: 83rd
Annual Academy Awards presentation
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QUOTABLES
FROM "LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON" March 22 - March 26
"Let's
get right to the news. Yesterday was a historic day for America. Yep -
Sinbad was eliminated from "Celebrity Apprentice."
"Did any of you watch the health care vote live on C-SPAN last
night? I'm gonna go out on a limb - single?"
"Yeah the health care vote yesterday was one of the biggest days
in American legislation since the Medicare Act of 1965. If you missed
it, don't worry - next weekend, they're rerunning it on "C-Span
Classic."
"Last night, Republican John Bayner asked his fellow congressmen,
"Have you read the reconciliation bill? Have you read the
manager's amendment? Hell no, you haven't!" That's a lot of
finger pointing from a guy who hasn't even read the instructions on
his bronzer."
"And this was kinda surprising. When President Obama gave his
weekly radio and Internet address on Saturday, he didn't even talk
about health care. Seriously? An Obama speech without talking
healthcare? That's like the Baha Men doing a concert without singing
"Who Let the Dogs Out."
"A ton of big stories this weekend. Healthcare was passed, Tiger
Woods gave two interviews, and the University of Northern Iowa beat
Kansas. So if you're a Republican, slut, living in Topeka, you
probably had a bad weekend."
"Have you guys been following the Tiger Woods news? Last night,
Tiger appeared in two separate interviews on the Golf Channel and
ESPN. And in true Tiger fashion, he made sure neither one knew about
the other."
"On the Golf Channel, Tiger said that he and his wife Elin are
working on their marriage. Yeah, that Elin has a lot of work to
do."
"Some big music news. Justin Beiber's new album, "My World
2.0," comes out tomorrow. Also coming out: any dudes who buy
it."
"Is everyone enjoying spring so far? I had such a great weekend -
playing on the slip-and-slide, running through the sprinklers, wading
in the kiddie pool. On the downside, I'm now banned from Target - but
still, it was worth it."
"Hey, here's some Twitter news. A new survey found that 11
percent of Americans under twenty-five would interrupt sex to send a
Tweet. But you gotta be careful. If you retweet one of those tweets,
you're retweeting every tweeter they've ever tweeted with."
"Finally, there's a new pill for teenagers to take during puberty
that helps boost their memory. 'Cause if there's one period in life
guys wanna remember, it's the three years when your face was covered
in pimples and the closest you got to a girl was saving the princess
in Super Mario Brothers."
"How are you guys feeling tonight? Let's get right to the news
here. No matter what your political party, this week we saw a great
American do something many said couldn't be done - that's right, Buzz
Aldrin did the cha-cha on "Dancing with the Stars."
"After dancing the cha-cha last night on "Dancing with the
Stars," Pamela Anderson got one of the higher scores, a 21. But
today, she said she plans to get it enhanced to at least a 25 or a
26."
"As you guys know, this morning, President Obama signed the
health care bill into law. I know he's excited, but I still think it
was inappropriate to sign it "President Barack 'Suck It' Obama."
"Did you see this? After signing the bill, Obama hugged Nancy
Pelosi twice, called her one of the best Speakers the House has ever
had, and then called Harry Reid one of the best majority leaders the
Senate has ever had. Obama's either really excited about health care,
or TOTALLY WASTED. "I just love you. Seriously. You're the best.
You guys are the BEST!"
"Joe Biden actually got himself into a little bit of trouble, did
you hear about that? Apparently it sounded like Biden said to
President Obama, "This is a big Effing deal." In response,
NBC picked Biden to host the brand new show, "Big Effing Deal or
No Big Effing Deal."
"This is pretty interesting. Hawaii wants to be the location for
President Obama's presidential library, because that's where he was
born and raised. But really, when you go to Hawaii, the first thought
that comes to your mind is, "I gotta hit the library."
"Have you guys been watching March Madness? The "Sweet
16" starts on Thursday, and I can hardly wait. Although part of
me wishes there were just 13 teams so they could call it a "Bar
Mitzvah."
"Listen to this. A girl in New York whose parents were on
"Wife Swap" is suing the show for 100 million dollars for
making her look like a spoiled brat. Note to girl: guess what else
makes you look like a spoiled brat? Being 15 and suing for a hundred
million dollars."
"And finally, casting agents for the 4th "Pirates of the
Caribbean" movie say they're only looking for actors without
breast implants. All the actors have to have real breasts. Man, if
only Simon Cowell could act!"
"How are you guys feeling tonight? Do you guys watch "Jersey
Shore?" Well, listen to this, "Jersey Shore" is
premiering in 30 different countries this week. Yeah, it'll be shown
in France. Except in France it's called, "Another Reason To Hate
America."
"Jersey Shore" is also premiering in Italy this week. The
nickname "The Situation" will not be translated. But Snooki
will be known as "Orangina."
"On the ads overseas, the ads for "Jersey Shore" say:
"Muscles, plus gel, plus tanning bed, equal sex." You can
get that answer with a lot of different equations-for example,
"Golf, plus money, plus text messages, also equal sex."
"There was more Tiger Woods news today. Porn star Devon
"Triple X" James says that Tiger paid her to have sex back
in 2006. Hopefully this situation will make parents think twice before
raising their daughters with the middle name "Triple X."
"Speaking of cheaters, did you hear about Sandra Bullock's
husband, Jesse James? Apparently his mistress, Bombshell McGee, said
she wants to marry him and be with him forever. Although she does have
a forehead tattoo, so I'm not sure she knows what "forever"
means. "Are you sure you want this? It's going to be on there
forever." "Yeah, whatever. Just do it. I will just take it
off whenever I want."
"Yesterday, a Catholic television network debuted several 3-D
shows to reach younger people. They better be careful, though. The
last time anyone from the church reached younger people, it cost them,
like, billions of dollars."
"I was reading today that the whole health care fight took a big
toll on Nancy Pelosi's popularity. Her favorability rating is down to
11 percent. Making her the most disliked woman in America with less
than eight kids."
"Oh, this is big. Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas were all
on American Idol tonight. I tried watching it, but my Tivo just
stopped it in the middle and said, "Dude, you're 35."
"Listen to this. Justin Bieber's manager was arrested today for
reckless endangerment for a riot that broke out during Justin's
appearance at a mall in November. When he was thrown in jail, his
cellmates were like, "What's your story?" And he was like,
"I manage Justin Bieber." And they were like, "OH MY
GOD?? ARE YOU SERIOUS?? YOU KNOW JUSTIN BIEBER?? HE'S MY FAVORITE
SINGER OF ALL-TIME!!"
"And finally, according to a new article, right now
"Henry" and "Charlotte" are the most elite baby
names in the U.S. The least elite baby names right now are,
"Tiger" and "Bombshell McGee."
"How are you guys feeling? Hey, you guys heard about Joe Biden's
"F-bomb" comment about health care? Well, turns out
President Obama said he liked it, then Biden said, "If you
thought it was so good, why didn't YOU say it?" And Obama was
like, "Cuz I'm not a f*cking idiot."
"Listen to this. After the health care bill passed, more than ten
Democrats received threatening calls and faxes. And really, what's
scarier than a threatening fax? "I'm, going, to, kill, you."
"Now I'm out of toner."
"This is pretty cool. Michelle Obama is going to be honored for
her anti-obesity campaign at Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards, hosted
by Kevin James. Seriously - fighting obesity at a show hosted by Kevin
James? That's like fighting adultery at a show hosted by JESSE
James."
"Some big science news. Researchers in Siberia discovered the
fossils of a new, unknown human species. He appears to be stronger
than today's average man, with discolored skin and a less developed
brain - so right now they're just calling him "The
Situation."
"Hey, AT&T is selling a new adapter for the iPhone that
connects to your router and lets you make calls with your Internet
connection. In response, my grandmother smiled politely and offered me
a peppermint."
"This is crazy. A seventh-grade teacher in California was
arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth
Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with
lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup
from Se?or Frogs."
"Did anyone notice this? Today at around 7 a.m. today, YouTube
went down. It was awful; in order to get my morning fix, I had to
teach my OWN cat how to play the piano."
"Listen to this, not only did YouTube go down, Wikipedia went
down too. But actually, that might not be true, because I read it on
Wikipedia."
"Some medical news. There's a new laser treatment that can get
rid of wrinkles just like Botox but without any needles. People who
just got painful Botox injections heard about this and were like
"I am so mad right now. This is total B.S. This is my face before
I heard the news. This is my face after I heard the news. Look at how
mad I am."
"And finally, a woman in Britain was shocked to find hardcore
porn on her cell phone after leaving it at the store for repairs. She
first noticed it when she heard her phone vibrating, and it wasn't
even on vibrate."
"How are you guys feeling tonight? Did you hear about this? On
his Fox News show, Glenn Beck called "Avatar" a
"Smurf-murdering movie." People are calling the comment a
slap in the face of America's biggest director. And a pretty awesome
idea for a movie."
"Listen to this. President Obama was at a bookstore in Iowa
yesterday, and he bought a 37-dollar pop-up book for Press Secretary
Robert Gibbs' son. Gibbs said, "It's a little expensive,
sir" and Obama said, "I can handle it." Then he called
the President of China and said, "Can I borrow 37 bucks?"
"When he was at the bookstore, Obama also picked up books by Mitt
Romney and Karl Rove, and held them up for the media. Then he made
their author photos make-out for like five minutes."
"Check this out. There's a new bra-like device called the Biniki
that promises to lift your butt. What I want to know is, is it
working?"
"This is just weird. A doctor in Illinois is converting an old
restaurant into an office with a drive-up window for patients. That
should go well. "Hey, this is Jimmy Fallon, I have a cough and a
headache." "Okay, that's crabs and head lice-"
"No! I'm coughing." "Okay, frothing at the mouth, drive
up please."
"Hey, happy birthday to Leonard Nimoy, who turned 79 today. He
celebrated by punching anyone who told him to live long and
prosper."
"There's a new dating website that lets men pay women to play
video games with them on the Internet. It's called GameCrush - but you
may know it by its other name, "the saddest thing ever."
"This is a true story, a woman in Chicago is suing a movie
theater for 50,000 dollars after an armrest hit her head while she was
talking on her cell phone during a movie. Meanwhile the armrest is
being rewarded with 50,000 dollars."
"I'm not sure what to make of this. A woman in Britain said that
her pet goldfish survived for seven hours in the open air outside of
his tank. Which is a world record, for goldfish torture. Seriously, in
the fish world, that's known as, "air-boarding." Not
cool."
"This is amazing. A British man snapped photos of space using a
digital camera and a weather balloon. Did you hear about that? I will
tell you why no one heard about it, because he forgot to strap a
six-year-old boy in the balloon."
"And finally, you know how celebrity couples have nicknames?
Well, Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato have been nicknamed "Jemi."
Oh, and Jesse James and Bombshell McGee have been nicknamed "Eeeew."
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THE
"LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Republican National Committee
Excuses"
As
presented on the Tuesday, March 30 broadcast
10.
"Hey, we're fat dumb rich guys, nuff said?"
9.
"Thought "SM" door was Senator McCain's office."
8.
"It wasn't a sex club, just a regular club where grown men tickle
each other."
7.
"Scott Brown raved about the place."
6.
"The Sheraton's meeting rooms were already booked."
5.
"I'm sorry, Ricky Martin is gay?"
4.
"Abraham Lincoln routinely spent $2,000 a night in sex
clubs."
3.
"Hey, we're fat dumb rich guys, nuff said?"
2.
"If we can't spend donor money at a sex club, the terrorists have
won."
1.
"Research for pending legislation ‘No Stripper Left
Behind.'"
(Back To Top)
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THE
"LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Highlights of President Obama's
Trip to Afghanistan"
As
presented on the Monday, March 29 broadcast
10.
The welcoming chants of "death to America!"
9.
Using miles to get bumped up to business class.
8.
Picking up sexy negligee for Michelle at Mahboba's Secret.
7.
Playing a little one-on-one with Hamid Karzai.
6.
Seeing "Hot Tub Time Machine" dubbed in Pashto.
5.
Military demonstration of new secret weapon: a ground-to-air
goat.
4.
The splendor of Kabul in the springtime.
3.
Catching Jon Lovitz at the new Kandahar comedy club, Laffghanistan.
2.
Spotting a confused John McCain arguing with a falafel.
1.
Leaving Afghanistan.
(Back To Top)
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THE
"LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Signs You're Having a Bad Spring
Break"
As
presented on the Wednesday, March 24 broadcast
10.
Instead of Mexico, you're spending a week at Texaco.
9.
"Complimentary buffet" is whatever crawled out of air
conditioning vent.
8.
Maid leaves note on pillow reading, "Go home filthy
American."
7.
You're the only one whose abs don't have a nickname.
6.
Health care bill didn't pass in time for you to get arm reattached
after shark attack.
5.
Only thing on resort's TV is Harry Smith's colonoscopy.
4.
Your hotel room is home to seven of the world's 10 deadliest snakes.
3.
P.A. announcement on the beach: "Take cover. Enemy
aircraft approaching."
2.
You wake up naked in Andy Dick's crawl space.
1.
Still stuck on runway from spring break '09.
(Back To Top)
